When we first decided to get married, our instant worry was finding the right date. We needed one which was a weekend, or a holiday; one where all our relatives from outside the country could join in, one where the marriage hall was not booked and one where we both had enough time to plan our dream wedding. Post that we focused on finding the right clothes, cutting costs, getting the cards printed and an entire long list of wedding worries. It was a whole big list of wedding related-things but not even one part of it was about what our lives would be like after marriage.
Not even once did we sit down and talk about the bigger picture, and that is the heart of the problem when it comes to marriage. We are normally so caught up with planning the dream wedding, and the perfect honeymoon that we often forget to plan for life post all the fun and parties. As someone who will now blow out candles on their first anniversary cake, here are some honest things that I wish people had told me, and that I want every to-be-married couple to know.
It's never going to be perfect! And It’s ok!
You can do everything in the world to make your relationship perfect, and it still won't be. It doesn't have to be! Slightly flawed, mixed with compromises, and some tears - that makes for a great relationship too and I wish someone had told me that. My husband and I assumed so many things and stressed so much about our life together not being perfect that we at times forget to enjoy the life.
You need to give it time
Contrary to popular Bollywood movies, fairy tales and social media pictures, the first year of marriage pretty much is way too complicated. Here you are, trying to live with this other human, share chores, embrace a new family, and generally learn to adult ... things are going to be tough. As unromantic as it might sound I feel that it's nice to know that the first year isn't all breakfasts in bed and long vacations. It's also washing dishes in the night and making sure you reach work on time every day! But all said, time is the most effective way to sort out things.
There will be bad bits
The biggest problem that I had was a constant comparison of our lives with every other couple and I felt isolated. In my head the biggest dilemma was that I loved this guy, and if things weren't working out, we would need to separate, and I didn't want that, so I pretended that it was all okay. The thing is, the bad bits are as much a part of a successful marriage as the good bits and you just need to find a balance. People, unfortunately, don't talk about their problems as much as they need to, generally glossing over the bad patches to make their life look good, cool, normal ... but these problems are part of the normalcy that we are chasing. Enjoy your fights as much as you enjoy each other’s love.
You will often dream of running away
Like so many times. I miss that independence. Even now, and I've come to realize that reminiscing about the good old days in no ways means that I am not happy right now! Cuddling to your partner and feel peace within you and Waking up to be next to the love of your life is such a gratifying feeling.
You've got to pick your battles
There will be way too many things that will annoy and irritate you but you need to pick your battles and let the not so important ones go, unless you want to spend the rest of your life fighting, that is!
You NEED to make your own rules
One of the best, and most important lessons I've learnt is that there is no one size fits all plan when it comes to a happy marriage. You need to do things on your own timeline and not let people pressurize you into doing things until you are ready. Be it having a baby, moving into a bigger home, or even something as simple as sharing household chores ... make your own rules, that's the best plan!
Listen to each other
Often at times we take each other for granted, we start assuming everything as we live together. Don’t forget to share, speak and listen with your partner. Make sure however hectic schedule you have in day, one meal you have to have together.